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Security is a serious business.
Searching a vacated building for a bomb, facing down bad guys, or
pinpointing a drug dealer's stash can be a bit tense; but there are some
funny stress-relieving moments too. Those are the moments that are
documented in this E-book called "A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the
Kennel". Following are a few sample stories.
Dogs drool, bitches rule!
Embarrassing true story:
My dog can read
There was a section of the building with posh furniture and carpet. Access to the section was through an opening in a planter wall. I didn't want the dog to go into that section, so I placed a "THIS SECTION CLOSED" sign in the middle of the opening, and said "See that?".... The dog looked, and we walked on.
A workman shouted "Hey are you saying that dog can read?"
I replied "Well, watch.", and I squeezed past
the sign but the dog who had been at my side in perfect obedience, planted four
feet and wouldn't go through, no matter how much I shouted and tugged.
Each time the sign was in the doorway, the dog couldn't be forced through; remove it and he would trot on through.
Somewhere there is a work crew that believes my dog can read. .... Bev McQuain
Six-pack of trackers -
We were all alone, so no need for leashes.The old
scout would run ahead, and when he'd spot a trail crossing ours, his head would
go down and he'd "track the villain" until I'd call him back to my side. Of
course behind him, bouncing, falling, disappearing into the snow, gallumped a
gangly six-pack of pups.
I heard a cry form the woods, and when I got to the source, I found my pack of "wild" Dobes barking at the base of a tree in which was a hydro inspector, still wearing one snowshoe.
I assured him that they were just pups.
He replied "They sure as Hell don't look like pups, comin' through the bush like that!!"
He later saw the humour of the situation, and didn't report me so we kept the contract. ... Bev McQuain
Deep in the snow-packed woods, I had to answer nature's call. I had to unzip the snowmobile suit, then the first pair of pants, then the second pair of pants. Then there was a big stretch to get past the bulk of all the clothing.
Despite the "shrinkage" due to the cold, I achieved success, BUT ... before I finished, one of the exuberant pups jumped and hit me in the middle of the back. I instinctively flung my arms out to retain my balance; and ended up caught in 3 zippers!!! ... (only the men who have had a similar experience will know the agony)
There I stood, freezing, unable to move, afraid to just "rip" myself free. I
was sure I would be found there in the spring, still standing motionless with a
grimace on my frozen face.
Then there's the guy who called his dog "Herpes" 'cause he wouldn't heel!
No Dogs Allowed.
Cross a Great Pyrenees with a Dachshund and get a Pyra-dachs, a puzzling breed.*
Cross a Curly Coated Retriever with a Labrador Retriever for a lab-coat
retriever, a favorite with research scientists.*
... And speaking of crosses ...Ron DeMerchant, an
ex-Llewellyn employee submits this true story: . While patrolling with
a recently groomed Llewellyn Bouvier, I overheard two inebriated campers
discussing how the security was "pretty serious" because we had dogs.
A well known Guide Dog Trainer, Al Mitchell, told me
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