from Llewellyn Security
The liquid on the INside of a fire hydrant is H2O
The liquid on the OUTside of a fire hydrant is K9P
... at Vet's office: "Be Back in 5 Minutes. SIT!, STAY!"
.... on fence "Salesmen Welcome ... Dog food is
|Something Lost in the Translation
The kennel staff neglected to tell a security officer
that the dog he was assigned was a "talker".
When she wanted to get your attention, or wanted you to play, she would tell you so
by going "woof, growl, woof", and gnash her teeth. The more excited, the louder
she "talked", and the more teeth she displayed.
The assignment was in a forested area, where the officer spied a tree laden with
apples. When the officer reached for an apple, the dog, thinking he was about to throw a
ball, went into her act.
"SNAP! WOOF! GNASH!" she growled, staring right into the Guards
She was saying "yea!, yea! Throw the ball"; but the officer translated
that into "Move and Ill kill you!", so he froze; on tip toes, hand on the
apple, quietly trying to calm the dog. Each time he moved, the dog would woof and snap.
The officer claimed he was in this "Statue of Liberty" position for hours, until
finally the dog decided he wasnt going to throw the ball, so she laid down and went
Handling a Noise Complaint (true story)
The officer was asked to respond to a noise complaint. He was told that the
apartment was occupied with a tough bunch who didnt take kindly to outside
The officer was partnered with a big red Dobe named "Major".
The officer placed the dog in a sit-stay at the end of the hall, and knocked on
the infamous door. Presently, the door opened and a "hulk" demanded
"The Major would like you to cut down the noise." replied the officer.
"Yea!, well you tell the Major he can go to Hell!!" Was the response.
"Why dont you tell him yourself, sir. .... hes right here .... MAJOR
HEEL!" ... The dog came charging down the hall, and the tenant quickly
backed inside and agreed to keep the noise down!
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