Canine Humour
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Humour from Llewellyn Security
Canada's Largest Canine Security Company
THE LLEWELLYN PUPPIES CHRISTMAS PARTY
(A true story by June McQuain)
It was a week before Christmas, and all the decorations were lovingly placed around
the house. The tree was richly adorned with lights, sparkling balls, and tinsel. ...
All was perfect.
| I arrived home from work and was met at the gate by
the kennel manager, who said, "oh, you're home", and promptly disappeared. A
little surprised at his unusual welcome, I entered the house and stopped abruptly in shock
and astonishment at the sight before me. First - the tree (or what was left of it): There were hardly any branches left on the tree. Up to a height of about 4 feet from the base, there was just a bare trunk |
 |
| Above that, just a few sad, bare branches, drooping towards the
floor. Ah, the floor. The rug was covered with broken decorations, bits of
glass, pieces of garland and tinsel, broken lights, and bare cords. And - my blue rug was
now white! White? What was that stuff ground into the carpet? Looking closely, I saw a
mixture of flour, sugar, powdered milk, and .... what was this?.... oh, yes, oatmeal. Not
only was it ground in, it was also wet. The trail led into the kitchen where I spotted
stuff spilling out of open cupboard doors and several torn-apart bags lying on the floor
in the midst of the mess. Suddenly, the vision of a Disney movie where bear cubs got loose in a cabin and created havoc sprang into my mind, and I began to laugh. The door opened behind me, the kennel manager sheepishly poked his head in, and said "Oh, you're laughing?". He then explained how somehow a group of 4-month old puppies got loose and into the house. The more he talked the harder I laughed, as I pictured the fun they obviously had. Boy, I bet they enjoyed themselves! PS: (Cleaning up? -- that's a whole other story) |
Dog Steals Car ... another true (but embarrassing) story
It is a strict Llewellyn rule: "Never, Never leave your car running with a dog alone
in the car."
Although our dogs are obedient, sometimes our officers take a shortcut .... the officer
was just hopping out to open a gate, she would only be gone for a few seconds, so she
ignored the rule.
The dog jumped into the front seat, and while straining to see where his handler had gone,
struck the gear shift, and dropped it into forward gear! His other paw struck the
"spoke" of the steering wheel and cramped it hard right.
The car took off in slow circles. Fortunately, the car was on a large, empty parking lot
(it was the middle of the night.), so as long as the dog didn't steer elsewhere, there was
no immediate danger. For what seemed forever, the car merrily toured the lot, with the
security guard trying to catch up.
Eventually, to add to our embarrassment, a police cruiser happened by, and one of the
officers (who was obviously a sprinter), managed to catch up, reach in and switch off the
runaway car. The officer was suspended. The canine car-jacker was let off with a
warning!
Stupid Questions! -- Yep, we get 'em.
One of the questions constantly asked is : "My Doberman is two
years old. Is is true that they turn on their masters when they turn three?" - or
- "I heard that Shepherds turn on their masters when they are 6 years
old." - then there's - " How old are Rotts when they turn
on their masters?"
My answer is "We have had hundreds of Dogs, ... the reason they don't turn on us, is
because we never tell them how old they are."
If a Dog doesn't know how old he is, he won't know it's time to turn on you!
 |
GREAT RED HUNTER We moved to the country. Our Dobe, a big red high-energy dog, constantly coursed the grounds, hunting for critters. One day he came in with lips peeled back, and clenched gingerly in his teeth was a recently killed snake. We made the error of making a big fuss about his heroics. |
During that period, we had a lot of visitors. Our friends were anxious to see our new place in the country. When anyone arrived, the dog would run out and return with the snake’s carcass, and elicit the praise of the visitor.
As time passed, the aging snake became rather high, so I snuck out, found it and buried it way out in the back of a field.
Some time later, another visitor arrived, and the dog sped out to collect his trophy. We watched as he scoured the fields in vain. Late that afternoon, he arrived proudly displaying his "kill"..... a large earth worm!
"How many dogs does it take to change a light bulb?"
Border Collie: Just one. And then I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code.
Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives
ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned-out light bulb?
Dachshund: You know I can't reach that stupid lamp!
Toy Poodle: I'll just blow in the Border collie's ear and he'll do it. By the
time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.
Rottweiler: Make me.
Shi-tzu: Puh-leeze, dah-ling. Let the servants. . . .
Lab: Oh, me, me!!! Pleeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh?
Huh? Can I?
Malamute: Let the Border collie do it. You can feed me while he's busy.
Jack Russell Terrier: I'll just pop it in while I'm bouncing off the walls and
furniture.
Cocker Spaniel: Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark.
Doberman Pinscher: While it's dark, I'm going to sleep on the couch.
Boxer: Who cares? I can still play with my squeeky toys in the dark.
Mastiff: Mastiffs are NOT afraid of the dark.
Chihuahua: Yo quiero Taco Bulb.
Irish Wolfhound: Can somebody else do it? I've got this hangover....
Pointer: I see it, there it is, there it is, right there........
Greyhound: It isn't moving. Who cares?
Australian Shepherd: First I'll put all the light bulbs in a little circle...
Old English Sheep Dog: Light bulb? That thing I just ate was a light bulb?
Westie: Dogs do not change light bulbs. People change light bulbs, I am not one
of THEM, so the question is, how long will it be before I can expect my light?
Hound: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzz
